Renaissance

Memories are special to everyone even if you cannot fully remember it or why it just popped up in your head but they will always be in the back of your memories file of your brain so when you want to recall what you remember. Childhood memories as I have learned are definitely hard to remember unless you were older then 5 years old but other then that it is always bits and pieces. Adult memories are less interesting to perceive because on the most part we will remember them exactly how it happened and not have to slowly remember in steps of what happened. Memories come in all different sizes and you see a repetitiveness such as mine I go on family vacations a lot and learn from those.

My recent memory of adulthood that I have experienced was going to the renaissance fair with my boyfriend and my family for the first time. The reason I say this memory is because before I was always shy and a mommy's girl so I did not ask to bring a guy anywhere except in town, Everyone would think what is the difference between there and then, I cannot really say for sure but I learned that asking your mom or any of our friends moms is not so bad even if you are a typically shy, want to keep things to yourself and have anxiety that makes you organize how and when you should do everything. That person was me back then but when I asked I was determined to get her to say yes because having a boyfriend go was more fun at the renaissance then I ever had because I saw a different perspective such as seeing different qualities of knifes, different kinds of foods. We would be walking down the different rows of shops just going in every store, when I know when I was with just a best friend we would not talk much unless it was necessary and would only go in jewelry stores which was boring because I had been to the renaissance festival every year and had done the same thing each year so this year was a change for me and would effect me every year. Anything you do always causes a chain reaction that effects you and possibly others around you, Well it effected my attitude to where I was not shy to ask who I wanted or ask anyone a question today, we both benefited I learned about self defense and knifes and he learned more about my passion for art. Even though I know I have to work on things slowly to improve I have not gotten anxiety down but it
takes time and patience for a person to receive the kind of treatment and relationships they want with themselves and others.This trip I will always remember even when time passes, things change, it changed who I was that I am today and I am proud of that because having the courage to do and say different things is a step to improvement along with how I view objects, landscapes differently because my  boyfriends help.

Trial and Error

Time is of the essence for everything we have to have time to do everything in our schedule along with a time consuming paper but not just essays for every class it is the research papers that are the hardest to first start off with. The beginning of every essay is always extremely hard for me to find a perfect subject that I like, understand, and enjoy and then the Introduction is the next hardest thing to do because you want to catch the reader but what is so frustrating with a research essay is because you have combine that with actually facts and source it so it will not be plagiarized which the citing is not too bad it is finding the exact phrase or whole page that describes your subject.

My choosing from David Small's " Stitches a Memoir" or my essay on the two poems "Anagrammer" and "Chapter One", of course the obvious choice for me was Stitches because I felt like I knew it better and could find some research on it more then poems about the language and how it can change everything. I was wrong and frustrated with the researching of Stitches because I feel I did not have much of a option since I wrote about the mother Betty and her actions toward David, My research first was very basic of just the emotional and psychological effect from non-verbal communication of Betty but with some help I added when I researched the words Neglect, child and mother I had so many more searches that helped me.

After finally being able to get key words that could help me find more about the effects of neglect of the child and their emoticon habits I have found so much more information about my topic. Once I had those keywords I mainly used academic search complete to finish my 5 sources plus the primary but I know what I have to do because I need to make sure they actually fit my topic. I need to sit down for a day to make sure that they emphasize the behavorial issues and what they can do for a child through their whole lives. I enjoyed researching this topic and found many viable options if I need to change a source of one does not work it is very simple to change that.

IT was frustrating but I think how this will work is now I will go back find some more sources on my own time at a different databases most of the cites shows the percentages of child neglect and how mental illnesses and the abandonment they feel which can change their attitudes towards adults. Putting these into perspective they will all go perfectly I think of how better in David smells book. How David feels about his mom is all in the book so I am thinking of putting also the child's perspective into it it's just comes up with the same results though. I have been slowly putting the quotes into my edited version of my paper for now and it is fluent but it does still need more work.

Comparison of wording

In this blog I really had no clue on what to do because I have not been the best at poetry and I am not sure if my mind just closes it out once the word poetry comes out but I just never understood it unless someone went through it slowly with me. I have realized poems do take time to comprehend including reading it more times then you want and once you read it and actually understand most poems it is a great feeling because most poems you will somehow compare it to your life or life in general.So when this assignment came up of comparing two poems that have a related topics but have similarities and differences I dreaded it until I finally did it taking awhile asking people if these poems are the best. It also not only is the assignment you also have to have fun doing it. It helps knowing what the poem is about but you not only need to know about it you need to have a interest in it and I finally did reading all the poems again and finally think I can finally do this comparison over two poems over changing the words in different ways and it can change the meaning of everything.

I think what I have decided for the two poems are the power of words in different ways. I found 'Anagrammar' by Peter Pereira and 'Chapter One' by Mark Aiello, these poems I found interesting for how the poet puts one word and then rearranges it to another word but one is light and one is dark. It is like they are both telling you you can always find the truth to every word. Every word in a poem is there for a reason and a truth to it just like in life there is always truth on the inside of a lie. The other poem though is more talking about how books are so intense and suspenseful through each page that you turn there is a new story. Also in a story plot of a story there is always a beginning and end that we have to write to end it but also there is most likely always a light and a dark or what we call it good and bad. In Chapter One how it tells you a story just like a book how you phrase a sentence can mean so much but also could be ambiguous if the writer really wants it to be or they might have not wanted it to be but we thought of it just because that is how humans are there is a beginning and a ending to everything.

Even though this may not be the poems for me it still gave me another interest in poetry because how a word is put in a book, poem or sentence it can be viewed in different ways then the author wanted it to be which is so interesting because there are many paths to choose in life also and every word we say we want to make sure our words are perfect and not misinterpreted.

Mortality

In the poem "Slowly" by Danna Masini I found a intriguing but mysterious poem that at first confused me but once I read it countless times I finally think I have a interpretation of what the poem actually was meaning and comparing it to. I found the title of the poem confusing me because it is only one word "Slowly" this means moving or proceeding with less than normal speed normally you would think of a car moving slowly but it can also mean the slow struggle through life until death. Why would the poet name the poem something so vague but yet so powerful in some instances.

The poem explains about how a snake slowly but instinctively eats a rabbit which made me annoyed a little bit for thinking of animals dying but I slowly through this poem knew more and more that it is just life that we have to get through. " All throat that snake - I couldn't tell where the throat ended, the body began." (7-9) this part of the poem was more interesting because if you think about it just like a snake as a child you do not know where the throat ended or began because it was so long, compared to a life no one knows where it will begin or end for anyone it could be a long road or a short road:to live or to die. There is a few parts that are disturbing to me but it also is the thought of snakes attacking other prey to survive that also interest but disturbs me because no matter what you have to kill to live that is what every organism consist of.

At first in this poem I thought that it was just telling a story of a student watching as a snake devours a rabbit in front of them but reading it multiple times I got less confused but it really amazed me once I read the ending of this poem " I am taking this in, slowly, taking it into my body: this grief. How slow the body is to realize. You are never coming back" (23-27). I was confused at first because I thought this child was just in shock that she saw the snake eat a rabbit whole but then I read the title and realized that maybe it was not just about this but it was the life itself the poet was talking about. She compared a persons life ending to a snake eating its prey throughout this whole poem. The ending of the poem was to say once you realize something bad is happening to us like a disease or just growing old we do not realize how precious our life is until the very end at which we reflect on ourselves. Once we are in that stage of our life we are slowly dying everyday just like a snake is slowly eating the rabbit the rabbit is slowly dying on the inside. We just do not realize that it can happen in a second.

" Waiting For My Clothes"

I found "Waiting For My Clothes" by Leanne O'Sullivan was kind of obvious but yet had some mystery and questions in it also. Why was she there? Why would they not allow her to check her things? There are many questions that I have been wondering and I can answer it by pieces such as why would they not allow her to have her things, the clothes like in all hospitals you have to be clean of everything so they can do a procedure or x-rays by why her books and the music normally when you are waiting to be released you can do anything, there never is a no using devices or reading. Reading does not cause any pain it is just something everyone does to kill some time. It feels like in this moment the poet is saying they are stripping her of everything she has because she is different from the rest but how? Or is this more of a stripping as in a cleaning sequence of she needs to let herself be open and forgive and forget what she or people have done to her. These are many of the questions that linger and is too ambiguous to tell what the right choice is.


Everyone has to go to the hospital at many times in their lives but the reason for going are very different to every single individual that comes in. Her reason was not very clear because if she can leave in a few days after the results that does not mean it could not be a terrible illness that they found out about or just a simple look for more minor issues that can be taken care of. Usually for minor accidents you are just in the hospital for a couple of hours so it makes me believe it is a little bit more serious but it might not be life threatening because in the end it says "like dreams, my clothes come out of the box" (32). this could mean that they really did eventually or it could mean that it may never come out because of a illness she has indefinitely that she cannot control.


Either way though not just questions linger her feelings in this poem linger vigorously throughout this poem her feelings of being alone and freedom seems like it is being revoked very quickly through her hands. If you are ill most times doctors will allow some things to be kept that are meaningful but most will be taken for a bit just to be cautious. Her saying "taking my soul from my ribs" (17). It is very strange to hear that I mean doctors can be scary and make mistakes but it makes you thinking she is either waiting for her sentence or she is under anesthesia but it is like a horrible illusion that she is having constantly when she is in the hospital. She is being read by the doctors her emotions are going crazy but usually people can hide their emotions well if they are scared with strangers but why is it different? Is something happening to her.

Rain of Tears

Through the book Stitches A Memoir I have come to love the emotion and stages through David Smalls life. Every picture panel means something or is linked together to show a event that will happen later on in the book. David experiences many unusual family issues through out this whole book it is about his emotions in himself and how he copes and realizes the truth in the matter. His families constantly lying to him or abusing him in some way but when we first met David he was not interested in knowing or showing any of his emotions to anyone which is usually a side effect when parents do not care for him or more or less they only exhibit this by taking care of him when he is ill.

Most of his emotions we saw in this book was the fear and confusion cause by his mother but rarely cried until that fateful day at the psychologist that his parents made him go to which caused all his emotions to come out that we have never seen before. (Small 257-267). This was really interesting because once the rabbit was saying that it was just sad that everyone lied to him and he had to find out on his home well little did we know he would be a guide to the truth but also the key to unlocking his inner most thoughts and emotions.

He had never cried in front of anyone but once the rabbit explained that his mother did not love him which in his eyes right then showed  anger, disappointment, and hurt. After a few seconds and pictures of silence his realization that his mother really did not love him other wise she would have told him he had cancer, or that his grandma was really crazy even to her but she did not do this which made it all the more hurtful. This was a important moment because once he shed one tear rain came down which was a thought that that was his lonely tears that he had not got to shed for so long. These panels were dark with no emotion like the pit of his heart that had no interaction with the outside world.

Even though this was dark and emotional there was a point at the end a single wrinkle of water piercing the ground which signaled a change because not only does water bring sorrow it also brings a new beginning with it. When you see a moat appear from water that is the eeriness while when the rain comes and drops over a seed in soil then it will slowly bloom into a new flower. David was changing inside for good or for bad he had known what he needed to do and choose to make things right so he can live his new life. Showing that a new beginning was about to happen whether it be inside David or outside in his environment but either way change was coming and he needed to be ready to make these changes for himself because otherwise he would be in deep despair for the rest of his life.

Art Escapes

When I was little I had many different hobbies that let me escape to another world. Now I only have about three that alternate between because I cannot decide which one makes me happier. When there was family troubles or issues of any kind I would either draw to my hearts content, read books, or just listen to music. As I said, I alternated between them, but what always stood out since I was young was my art. I would always go over to my grandmothers house to practice drawing anime or cartoons when my parents would argue or I got grounded from a bad grade. I have always kept my art with me and probably always will. My art holds memories of my escape through funny designs and fictional characters. Art has literally made me who I am today, and that is something I will never forget. When things got rough or I was feeling anti-social, my art was my best friend.


When I was a child it felt like I had a lot more issues. Now that I have grown I have realized that as a child, I did not understand much. The things my parents did was for me, not to hurt me. When a parent yells at their child, or grounds them, it is because they are trying to teach you an important lesson. As a child these things just seem mean, so when my parents fought or when tragic things happened (such as when my grandmother and uncle passed away) I stayed in my room drawing. I came out to go to school, but that was one of the only things that could lure me from my hiding place. I just felt so broken after the tragedy, I had to escape. I would watch shows then redraw what I had seen. Eventually, I started changing the drawings a little to fit my style. It's rewarding seeing the results of hours upon hours of pouring my emotion into a piece of paper, and seeing how events in my life turn into pieces of art that I can call mine.


Even though I have lost people and pets throughout the years I know they will always be with me through my art. Though I know this, and it is the main inspiration for my art, it does not keep me from stumbling into creative blocks. When I am in a creative mode, though, I do not have to tell anyone how I feel. They can look at my drawings and know. It guides me through the difficult steps in life. Different people react to problems in their own ways. Some solve their issues with bad decisions, others find constructive solutions; it depends on circumstance and will power. I like to challenge myself, but some of these hardships prove to be a little too much. Sometimes hobbies alone do not help, so I turn to my family and friends. We, as humans, have many different ways to cope with the things we do not want to deal with. I choose art as a way to handle the fears and stresses I have because I know that I can escape to my world and not be judged or disturbed. I use art to build my confidence. Without art, I would not know what to do.